| (no subject) |
[Feb. 29th, 2008|10:26 am] |
It is an odd thing to find myself here. I would have gone to Hogwarts, but I didn't think I would make it without a portkey and I don't have one. Someone flooed me to a castle. I'm told it is the Drake castle. I've heard of a library and a museum here. They are one of the great families. I'm going exploring. The Unmaking has been unleashed and it brings back memories of confusion. That was around the time Nate died. And after, Selkirk went homicidal. There has to be somewhere in this castle I can be alone, but there are so many people. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 22nd, 2008|08:52 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pensive | ] |
I will finally be moving out of the old flat, probably in the next month or two. It will be nice to finally be free of this place. Zechariah is gone. I have met Darius, but I have not met this other girl. I hope we'll be able to afford a larger place by going in on it together. Darius said he was somewhat neat. I'll wait before I rejoice. In general, neat for men is different compared to neat for women. However, if I could deal with Zech's shenanigans, I don't think this will be a problem. |
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| Mysteries |
[Nov. 9th, 2006|12:47 am] |
I have been accepted into the Ministry as a Trainee Unspeakable. Just as last year, I can always smell this persistant smokey smell that permeates things. Logan, one of my countless number of bosses, isn't the only one who smokes, but he smokes a lot. Maybe I'm just smelling myself after being around them. The more and more I see the run of things, the more I'm determined to show my potential in a broad sense, keep my options open instead of letting people's perceptions close me in.
This would help with the cash inflow problem, accept they pay us in flobberworms practically. I wasn't expecting to make money after Hogwarts, or not ever enough to actually make me rich beyond my wildest dreams. Whatever that is. But being able to live would help. As it is, money will be tight, but that's about it.
As of now, I do believe that I have accomplished all of my goals, or at least the ones that have mattered. The big ones are moving out of the house and getting into Mysteries. I suppose the next most likely goal is promotion or somehow making a significant contribution at work.
On another note, I suppose Craddock could be worse. Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know. I'm going to ride it out and see if he's at least interesting.
Also, it would be nice to run into Francis again, but I feel like maybe I'd be letting him win and so easily by calling him up. I hadn't seen him since school and in that day and age I didn't really give anyone or anything the time of day except for my studies.
Beck |
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| Hmm... |
[Oct. 24th, 2006|04:18 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Flat | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  curious | ] |
Just checking in, as a few things have changed in my life.
First change of note, I have moved out of the parents' house and into a flat. I put an ad in the Prophet for a roommate and ended up getting a man a couple of years my senior by the name of Zechariah Craddock. He is irritable. He is many things, but there is no need to rant on and on about him. He's still a roommate. Of course Mother doesn't know about it and I can safely say that this will be the last time I'll be writing about Mum (with any luck).
Secondly, I ran into that girl, Paige, who my brother used to hang out with all the time. She was in my year, unfortunately. I think she thinks we have some kind of kinship, but I don't see it. We are opposites and it is futile to pretend we have one shred of being in common.
Even though that encounter was less than pleasant, I met someone. Two people. The first was James Drake. He brought a menagerie of woodland creatures with him into Flourish and Botts. All I have to say about that is that man is lucky those weren't my books.
Then I met his little brother, Francis. I remember "Frankie," as he likes to be called, in school. He's not too much older than me. I can't say he dresses sensibly but I can say that he has fashion sense. He's also easy on the eyes, though I didn't think much of him in general when he started hitting on Paige. "Oh, he's like every other guy," is what went through my head, and frankly, it kind of made me feel like some vein of world justice was being violated for the zillionth time; it made me sick that yet another guy would succumb to...whatever. So I did something about it. I got his attention. The thing is, I didn't expect for him to hold mine. He was vaguely vulgar, but I sensed that was more a portion of daring and...personality in him. It was fun to flirt so basely in front of Paige. Long story short, I hope I see Francis again.
I am also planning on applying to Mysteries...
Beck |
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| Crossroads |
[Jun. 28th, 2006|01:09 pm] |
It has been awhile since I last wrote here, but I thought it would be good to record a few of my thoughts post-graduation. Val is a gentleman as always and though I did not get best in potions or in any other subject, he got me some new equipment. I do hope he does well for himself and is able to wipe the stain from his name.
On to other things though. I have not applied to the Ministry yet and I am at a crossroads. Mother says I should make a decision promptly because ambition does not wait for the indecisive. For once, she is right and I agree with her. We spoke about it with a decent amount of civility, meaning we did not end up taking significant jibes at each other. I am currently wondering whether I should go into Healing or Mysteries. I am not sure what my specialty would be and I am perfectly capable of learning how to work in the field in either vocation. I think I will ask Healer Mayfair out for lunch to talk. I have not kept in touch enough this last year, but I do value his opinion and he is impartial compared to asking Oceania hers, even if he is a little less informed. Perhaps he might know of options I don't know. He is a Healer so in the very least he could tell me what the profession is like day to day and such.
But I think one of the pressing problems I have right now is moving out of the house. I cannot and likely will not be able to afford a flat to myself. Most of the people who were in my year I would never even have nightmares of being their flatmate. I just want someone who is responsible, focused, and considerate. I'm hoping that isn't too much to ask. I've had a suggestion or two relayed to me, but...I'll just put an ad in the Prophet or something.
One more note, my NEWT scores came back and I think that is why mother is being a little less stringent.
I didn't get enough letters to spell a word...except for maybe oooo...save for a rogue E. I thought I would get more Es and a few Os, but I'm glad I've proved myself wrong once again. Still, that one E. I could slice it off with a slip of my wand.
Beck |
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| Saturday, 28 September 1977 |
[Jan. 30th, 2006|02:29 am] |
Hmm. That was interesting. Val said he doesn't want to date me right now because he doesn't want things to change. I said okay. It wasn't like we were getting to see each other more or anything. We are both very busy this year. On another note, he certainly is an excellent scientist. Eventually I'll be able to say I told you so. He wants me to spearhead an idea he has gotten for a project. The eventual goal would be to find a counteragent for a poison. In other words, a residual substance that would act as a saboteur, armor to a poison. I am tempted to call it an obfuscator. The most obvious method for doing this would be to discover what a poison targets and confuse it in some manner. This might involve masking, misdirection, or confrontation. A confrontation seems like it would involve neutralizing the harmful aspects of a poison, and this might be the easiest way. To adapt known antidotes into residual ones. After some thinking, what if we were able to develop a substance that would be able to do its work right as any blood-traveling poison entered the stream? Is it possible to create something that will cause the poison to be encapsulated or contained until someone is able to get to an antidote? This might highly increase the chances of survival for victims. The potion's lifetime would be more important post-poison than pre-poison. Residual antidotes don't seem very useful since who would want to be pumped full of potions like that? If someone is going to be poisoned, it is more likely that the victim won't know what poison is going to enter their system. Still, that might be useful for people who handle poisonous creatures on a regular basis, especially if a residual antidote were able to endure multiple infections over its lifetime. Clearly I am not going to see actual products by the end of my Hogwarts career. We will be lucky if we are able to isolate what nightshade targets using sleeping potions. It is way too late. My thoughts are coming out in a spray. I think I will write to Healer Mayfair on this. It is his area and he might be able to provide me with some information pertaining to it, whether it has been tried before, and whether there is some research already available to work off of.
Val said he will write up some things. He wants Professor Salamander and Griffin on board with it. I told him we ought to have Professor Clarke. It would be foolish not to given her resources. It's only logical since if this is approved, and it is going to be hard getting it approved I believe, I'll probably be reporting to her and Professor Salamander anyways in excessive detail. Besides, the more the merrier, since we will need a professor present. I really hope we can get this off the ground. I could spend a lifetime isolating and if that's what it takes to actually do it, it would be worth it. Really, this could be adapted to other harmful substances such as those found in cigarettes and alcohol, assuming that it lead to a encapsulation which could be directed towards the urinary track.
Beck |
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| Before school 1977 |
[Jan. 16th, 2006|01:41 am] |
Val killed people. This should disturb me right? I should be afraid of him, but I only find myself worried for him, his health, his future. I now remember why I've been so grouchy towards people, because if I'm not ruthlessly grouchy, I find something admirable or salvagable in them. Nothing so romantic, just very human. This is going to be an interesting year. I think I agreed to give whatever a go with Val. How did things get to this point? Shouldn't I be a little disconcerted that I just consented to trying romance with a known killer? Heh. This is somewhat humorous in some twisted way that makes you have to laugh.
It's just that I don't think he's any different than before. I think most people have the capacity for atrocities and that most people just can't stomach themselves. Some are just too horrified by the prospect to let it ever happen. I could be wrong. I don't know why he did it. Knowing Val, him doing anything probably is necessary in some way. I am a little puzzled though. He mentioned asking me out on a date as if a dying prospect. We have never really talked about anything beyond friendship so why would he bring it up if it was already lost? I suppose he has to dream and I kept that dream alive. He thinks the possibility of a research lab is now lost because of his reputation now, but he doesn't want to let it go. Perhaps I am overstepping my boundaries, but I don't want him to let it go. I think it is good for him and for now, I think I will stand by him. We have never really had any firm loyalty attributed to our friendship on either side. It was merely symbiotic. I have to admit, in the eyes of the law, he made a grave decision, but I don't think he is inhuman; I think he hides it well. Whether that is the truth or not, it gives me reason not to give up on him. That is one thing that everyone needs. People who try to understand and people who preserve other's hope. I think that is a noble thing.
Rebecca |
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| Some day before Valentine's Dance (backdated) |
[Oct. 3rd, 2005|04:07 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | mum | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  irate | ] |
I fear that this summer will be a prison for me. Had a talk with mother. She wants to force me to only take a part time internship at the Ministry. I'm at a loss for what to do. I'm seventeen, and this isn't the only limitation she is putting on me. She has booked up every day with frivolous activities. On top of this she is not only having me attend to gentleman callers, but limiting my library time...to an hour. If I am good I get an hour.
She is going to destroy my education. I am already miserable just thinking about it. I don't think any of my professors would care and I'm pretty sure the Headmaster has more important things to do than settle a daughter's disputes with her mother. I just wish I had enough nerve to fling myself off the battlements to let the gargoyles catch me so at least someone would pay attention to what I really care about...not that I would do such a stupid thing like that.
I wrote to Ms. Oceania Swann. She was the only one I could think of to entreat to. Now I wait for her response. I think the letter was a bit frazzled. I wrote it in such a hurry.
I don't want to be an Astin anymore. Not that I ever asked to be one, or ever wanted to be one. Father doesn't seem to help. JM just plays enough not to get hurt, and Rose has completely succumbed to bending to my mother's will despite what shy says. She's her clone, even though I love her dearly.
Beck |
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| Log: Valentine Part One (1/3) |
[Sep. 28th, 2005|09:36 pm] |
"A Valentine Part One"
Starring: Lots of people and Val and Beck. XD
When: February 15, 1977. Valentine Dance Night.
Where: Great Hall and then some classroom.
Synopsis: Val and Beck's date.
Chronology: Val and Beck's first date to the Valentine's Dance!
Watch for: CLEAVAGE SHOT!...ahem..and more really cracked courting.
Rating: Pg-13
( Start the crack here... ) |
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| February 9, 1977. Later that evening. |
[Sep. 26th, 2005|06:07 am] |
It has occurred to me, after all of that explication, I failed to attain any clarity. However, in constant review of what happened since I wrote on it, I now realize I have committed a dreadful act. I have done something to Val I would not have wished on myself; I treated him like my mother. Of all the people to start taking after...This is something I must extinguish immediately and I do owe Val an apology. I will try and find him tomorrow.
Beck |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 26th, 2005|04:05 am] |
( So I started doodling last night... )
It was done freehand with pencil. Sadly it wasn't scanned so I had to go in and adjust contrast and little junk like that...still too blurry for my tastes...man I haven't drawn in years...and even then not much at all. |
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| February 9, 1977. |
[Sep. 25th, 2005|05:56 pm] |
As always, Val has proven to be most agreeable company. In a sense he has lightened my mood. In the least, he is intellectually engaging, and that is saying a lot for a fourteen year old if one is to judge in comparison. It says even more when, up to this point in my life, I have yet to encounter someone smart enough to engage me in such a way, bold enough to try it, and stupid enough to suffer through it. It is the combination of all three which wins my ongoing attention. He is a good three years younger than I am which is something I continue to refer to in my ongoing study of his character, for I admit that sometimes I find myself forgetting it.
If comparison is once again used as a means of gauging my particular relationships over the years at this institution I am forced to admit that Val is the closest thing to a friend that I have found. I will always have Elaine, and while she is most amusing, has her own brand of intelligence, and shares my own detestment of garish, emptyheaded girls, she has not engaged me in such a way that demands my entire attention. In a different way, Nate was extremely intelligent and I am inclined to say he far surpassed Val, but yet again it was about him not being annoying. Nate was someone I got along with and someone I felt comfortable with. He may have truly loved me. His words may have been true, but I have never seen comfort as necessarily one of the essential traits of a relationship for me.
Up until now, I feel as if Val has been fun to toy with. It is an ugly thing to say, but I don't claim to be without faults in the end. I do not feel a bit of remorse for I know he knows it, I know it, and the banter we exchange has usually wrought a mutual produce of amusement. In saying all of this I am not meaning to imply that there is, was, or ever would be romantic feelings between us, nor that our periodic jaunts into similar pasttimes has stimulated affection. It is extremely complicated and I suppose recording the facts would be more conducive than spouting undirected, muddled observations.
Val asked me to save him a dance at the next upcoming display of social squalor. While I have just stated that his presence is more agreeable than most I have met from this school, this does not constitute enough reason to subject myself to the prattling of bubbly girls or waste my time sniping with Elaine, even if it does have its moments. I can snipe at braindead birds all week long; they infest the hallways enough that I don't need to merit them with a special occasion for the pasttime. So I kindly pointed it out to him that given the rest of the evening, and despite the endless joy it would bring me to dance in front of my peers and step on their toes, it simply would not be worth it. The time could be put to much better use by spending it on preparing for NEWTs, no matter how much him tossing in a palmsized portrait of his insane Great Great Grand Aunt Martha for the night and a ball of string sweetens the deal.
So I offered that he lend me his arm as his date for the night barring that he doesn't leave me to the vultures of borish conversation and in the company of unintelligent signs of life in this universe. In turn, he proposed that we cut the night short and spend the other half brewing in the lab, which I must admit, was an excellent idea. We both agreed to it and to our preferences of not looking like mismatching fools; I think the desire to not look like the hordes of matching clone couples was an unspoken given.
The next moment of importance was his abrupt departure and an indirect exclusion of my presence from something he had allowed to me earlier in the conversation. I do not know what prompted his playful ploy of feigned innocence. To me it was a distasteful slap in the face to my intelligence. But it wasn't just the meer offering of it that insulted me. The offering I could simply write off as a knowing tease. He wanted to play hardball and took our interaction to a new level, so I quipped derisively. A simple indirect mock of a dismissive mother. I knew I was likely striking a nerve, but he so clearly upped the stakes and pointed me in that direction with his own ploy. I'm not so ignorant of him as to not realize he reserves that ploy for dullwitted adults. He failed, but not in his attempt to outwit me. He failed in falling prey to my ploy, which only leads me to conclude that he most likely believed that I would fall for his. It left me feeling dissappointed and oddly insulted. In my analysis I might be completely off, however considering a miscalculation does nothing to wash away the unpleasant taste it left in my mouth.
His departing smile suggested so many things, but I believe I stimulated some uncharacteristic cowardice in him.
Regardless of all possibilities, one thing was clear, we both stung each other's pride. I misjudged him in the moment and rubbed it in. This certainly is nothing to be proud of.
Beck |
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| Reflection from Hogwarts after the DA Attack |
[Sep. 21st, 2005|10:41 am] |
There was another attack and it was horrid from the casualties I've heard. Of course the rumors are bound to be worse, but at what point to the rumors start being better than the fodder? This might be one of those unfortunate times. Nate, well I try not to think of what he'd be doing right now. He was a nice guy, but I suppose it is simply a matter of accepting that it was his time. It was him or someone else. Should I be glad it wasn't me? Not to say I don't feel bad, but I've been thinking about it and I'm glad I'm still alive. Survivor's guilt. It's a valid reaction. If we all succumbed to it there would be no one left. So some of us have to be selfish for the betterment of everyone and bury the guilt, the fear, and the terror with dead as much as possible. But in the end, who will take care of these cracked vessels who empty themselves to absorb others' burdens?
Beck
I'm going to dye and cut my hair. I need a change. Besides, it's getting too long. |
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| January 1, 1977. |
[Sep. 6th, 2005|08:41 pm] |
He took me to go iceskating. It was my first time. He said he would protect me. He kissed me and held me as we slipped and slid all over the ice. He said he loved me and then he died. I closed his eyes for him. We were young, but that’s all gone now. He showed me that seemingly purposeless things have value. Now he’s dead. I laid there trapped by his cold arms. Life goes on whether you get over it or not.... |
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| Hogsmeade weekend, just before the Christmas of 76. |
[Sep. 1st, 2005|09:23 am] |
Nate and I went...well I don't know what to call it. I guess it was a date. He managed to get me to make snow angels. Snow angels. There isn't a real purpose for them besides misplaced nostalgia...or rather manufactured nostalgia, but it was fun. I'm glad I did it. Now it isn't manufactured for me anymore. We had fun, the content kind of fun. Not fleeting elation. He held my hand and kissed me again. I think I'm going to give him one of my books. I could get him one, but I think this means more. It's a well loved gift. I'm going to write him and see if we can meet up over the holidays. I don't care if mum locks me up in a tower, this is a person who doesn't get on my nerves and I feel...just fine around him. I think that's the only way to describe it without attaching unwanted connotations.
Beck |
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| OOC: The Christmas List |
[Aug. 25th, 2005|12:41 pm] |
Leave a comment if your char is listed on what they might want for Christmas.
Val
Nate
Izzy
Elaine
JM
Anyone you think should be on here that I just fizzed out and forgot? Just let me know. |
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beck_astin's journal
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